One of the most dangerous things for any book nerd is the idea that some books deserve to be banned because some content in them may be seem questionable. Books you know, like LOOKING FOR ALASKA, THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER, and WHALE TALK, are often called out for having things that “aren’t suitable for kids or teens.” Yeah, we don’t think we have to tell you why restricting what we read is a problem.
But if you’re like us and proud to read banned books, then welcome aboard! And for everyone who’s a little too eager to go around slapping a “banned” label on things, we’ve got a list of some things that you should focus your attention on instead. That way we can all put our energy where it should be—enjoying the books that mean so much to us.
What Should Be Banned Instead of Books?
1. The word “moist”
No one ever wants to hear this word, no one ever wants to say this word… it would probably be for the greater good if we could just stop acknowledging “moist.”
2. Ship wars
Sure, it’s healthy to have some disagreement in a fandom, but people get wayyy too intense about which characters they want to end up together. Can’t we all just be happy?
3. Evil clowns
Between It, American Horror Story: Cult, and real freaking life, we’ve had enough.
4. Cancelling TV shows
There is no reason that some shows get to have an infinite amount of seasons while others don’t even get to complete their full plot arc! Looking at you, Selfie and Pitch.
5. Streaming errors
That moment when the Netflix screen pops up with “We’re having trouble playing this title right now,” and your heart drops. No, I don’t want to select a different title!!
6. Dog-earing pages
Especially if you’re borrowing the book from someone?? How dare you???
7. Bad adaptations
The excitement of hearing your favorite book is going to be on the big or small screen is nothing compared to the crushing disappointment when it doesn’t live up to expectations. I mean… we’re still gonna watch it. Just gonna suffer.
8. Mid-series redesigns
Okay there are definitely a few exceptions (looking at you, AN EMBER IN THE ASHES) but having mismatching books is totally not #ShelfieGoals
9. Characters letting out breaths they didn’t realize they were holding
HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE YOU’RE HOLDING YOUR BREATH?!
10. High festival price tickets
The world would be a better place if everyone could get to the cons they wanted to go to and meet their favorite authors and see their favorite panels and ugh… a book nerd can dream.
Especially when the next book doesn’t come out for a looong time. I’m sorry, you expect us to wait?! In this world of instant gratification??? Ridiculous.
12. Love triangles
Look, we get that you’re torn between those two dreamy guys, but the world is literally ending and it would be great if you could focus on that for the moment. Romance, always getting in the way.
UNLESS IT’S DONE SUPER RIGHT. AKA, don’t miss THREE SIDES OF A HEART. This love triangle anthology subverts the trope in all the right ways.
13. The corner brownie
Unnecessary and insulting. Next.
14. Crumpled book covers
AKA the reason we have to buy our books in person because we cannot trust online orders to arrive unharmed! Bookstores are priceless when you need to get your hands on a fave. Also including under this subheader are smudges, indents, and tears.
15. Assigned reading
Not only does it take up time that can be spent reading things that we actually enjoy, but a lot of times—if it’s not a textbook—it can take the enjoyability out of the book that’s assigned! Going back and rereading curriculum books later lets you appreciate them a lot more than when you’d otherwise be cramming them on a weeknight before a quiz.
16. *Removes glasses* “… You’re beautiful.”
They were beautiful the whole time, jerk.
If you spoil the ending of a book I have been looking forward to (ESPECIALLY a sequel that’s been on my TBR for a year), I have no words. Banned.
18. Looking down on fanfic writing
There’s no reason that fanfic writers should be looked down upon just because of what they’re writing! Fanfic is a totally valid outlet, and sometimes it can even be better than what really happened in canon. What would we do without them?
Plus, a lot of our fave YA authors got started with fanfic, so it’s a totally valid way to develop your writing skills! Fanfic writers, go forth and prosper.
19. Even worse adaptations
Okay, this time we’re kicking it up a notch. You’re excited for an adaptation of a book you love. It’s not great. You’re disappointed, but what can you do but move on? But wait! They announce that they’re rebooting the adaptation idea, and it’s going to get a new chance!
Only… this one is worse than the last. Everything is wrong, and why can’t we have nice things?! Why can’t source material be faithfully adapted?!?!
20. Token diverse characters
People 👏 are 👏 not 👏 a 👏 plot 👏 device 👏
21. Spam comments
Trying to get actual book recommendations from BookTube is basically impossible when there are a bunch of people arguing over who commented first and dropping ridiculous ads about magicians able to cast true love spells over email.
22. Social media feed algorithms
We will never understand why Instagram thinks we want to see posts from six days ago before we see posts from now. Never.
23. Characters who are naturally ~the best~
You’re telling us that this character JUST found out that they have magic abilities, and suddenly they’re holding their own in the middle of a battle? No thank you. We are firm believes that just like real life, characters should have to pracitce to achieve everything.
24. Questionable dystopian hygiene
Sure, the world has ended because an ancient disease has spread, war has run amok, and nature is turning against us, but the main character has no body hair. Makes sense.
25. Smudgy pens
It’s 2017… why hasn’t this been addressed?
26. Forgetting to answer texts
We will never understand people who get annoyed by double and multi-texters, because trying to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t answer is SO much worse.
27. Reading slumps
The book nerd’s worst nightmare. Banning this one is encouraged, and if anyone would volunteer to come make us read everytime we start staring out the window at nothing instead, it would be much appreciated. There are amazing adventures to be had.
What would you ban instead of books? Let us know in the comments below or tweet at us using #BannedBooksWeek!