Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the failest of them all?
Alex Flinn, author of Beastly, Bewitching, and her newest novel, Mirrored, knows that fairy tales aren’t as perfect as they may seem. Actually, if you think about it, there’s some parts of fairy tales that are straight fails. So, since we’re all guilty of sometimes wishing our lives were more like fairy tales, Alex is here to remind us of the weirdo happenings inside some of our favorite stories. After reading these fails, maybe we’ll just stick with the real world…
7 Fairy Tale Fails According to Alex Flinn
1. The one with the cleanest house wins!
At least, I hope not. Cinderella cleaned up after her stepsisters and was rewarded with a handsome prince—and probably a fleet of servants. Snow White moved in with the Seven Dwarves and performed housekeeping work in exchange for her room and board. Everyone was happy. I tend to use a triage system for deciding what housework to do (If someone’s coming over, I clean the parts of the house they’ll see, and if it’s Christmas, I might take a day or two—but if you go into my closets or garage, we can’t be friends anymore), so I’d be in serious trouble if that was the case.
2. Handsome Prince shows up to save the day.
I mean, yes, I would hope that if I were in a coma, someone (my husband) would help out with that. But, in general, be strong and solve your own problems. No princes around here.
3. Talking animals.
I talk to my cats sometimes, and they only meow in reply. I’m including a photo of them, though, because they are very cute, and I think their little bromance should go viral.
The one on the right is Fiyero, named after the character in Wicked. The one on the left is Pumpkin because he looks like a pumpkin.
4. People named after articles of clothing or physical characteristics.
Like, how did Little Red Riding Hood’s parents know she’d like that hoodie so much? What if she wants a black one next time? Nope, you have to stick with red, Red. What if Snow White got a suntan? Suppose the Goose Girl decided she preferred a career in shepherding? These are important issues to consider.
5. Parents promising their child as payment for something.
Like, who DOES that?
6. Girls fall in love with bears or other animals.
East of Sun, West of Moon, Snow White and Rose Red, various versions of Beauty and the Beast. It’s one of those things that sounds okay when you’re a little kid, but later on, it’s creepy. Think about it. How do you tell your parents that their grandchildren will be CUBS?
7. Magic beans are. . .magic.
If someone offers you magic beans for your cow, move on. Nothing to see here. It’s like those scams where they claim you won a foreign lottery you don’t remember entering.
Beauty is the key to everything. At least, that’s how it seems to Violet—ugly, bullied, and lonely. To be beautiful, in her eyes, is to have power and love. And when Kendra, the witch, teaches Violet how to use magic, she may finally get what she wants.
For Celine, beautiful since birth, her looks have been a hindrance. She discovers that beauty is also a threat—especially to her stepmother, Violet, who doesn’t want anyone sharing the attention she worked so hard to get and who will do anything to be the fairest of them all.
But beauty isn’t only skin deep and love isn’t based on looks alone. And though Violet and Celine may seem to be completely opposite, their lives are almost . . . mirrored.
What other fairy tale fails can you think of? Share them with us in the comments below!