We all find ourselves down and out from time to time and may be in need of some motivation or inspiration. Emily Hainsworth, author of THROUGH TO YOU has put together this blog post to help us all get through those rough patches.

INSPIRATIONS TO HEAL BY
by Emily Hainsworth

1.    Section of “The Teak Forest” by Laurence Hope
For this is Wisdom; to love, to live,
To take what Fate, or the Gods, may give,
To ask no question, to make no prayer,
To kiss the lips and caress the hair,
Speed passion’s ebb as you greet its flow,–
To have,–to hold,–and,–in time,–let go!

This bit of poetry is featured at the beginning of THROUGH TO YOU, but I originally discovered it when I was in high school. The passage was buried in the pages of THIS SIDE OF PARADISE by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and maybe because I was in something of a whirlwind romance myself at the time, it spoke to me. Sometimes you just have to live in the moment, accept whether you’re happy or sad, in or out of love, and embrace how you’re feeling because everything can change in an instant.

2.     This quote:

Once a person is gone from your life, the place they occupied in your heart will always stay empty. For me, that emptiness serves as an important reminder of the person I’m missing. I place my memories in that empty space and return to them when people tell me to get over my loss—become “normal” again. The truth is, you can never be the same person you were before. So I don’t even try—I carry it with me in the shape of my memory and embrace it when I need to.

3.    I KNOW by Trespassers William
I know I’ll never see you
I know I’ll never run into your body walking through the crooked streets
I know I’ll never hear you
I know I’ll never hear you like a sound that wafts inside from outside there
I know that if I waited
I know that if I wait a thousand days will lie wasted with thoughts of you

My love I’ve pictured this:
Your violet eyelids opened to say “here’s where you’ve been”
Your lips open to say “my darling it’s been so very long and I’m in pain”

I know I’ll never feel you
I know I’ll never get so close to you that I can’t smell anything else
I know that it is raining
And I know that the rain will soak you through
And leave you like the tattered sky
I know I go in circles
I know the window panes bring only rain and not your face

My love I’ve pictured this:
Your violet eyelids opened to say “here’s where you’ve been”

Sometimes I picture all your fingers
Sometimes they’re crawling down my spine
Sometimes they’re buttoning your jacket
Sometimes you’re far but you’re still mine

Sometimes I picture all your fingers
Sometimes they’re crawling down my spine
Sometimes they’re buttoning your jacket
Sometimes you’re far but you’re still mine

I know I go in circles
I know the window panes bring only rain and not your face

A friend of mine introduced me to Trespassers William when I started writing THROUGH TO YOU and I’m so glad she did because this song helped set the tone and mood for the entire book. To me, the lyrics could be interpreted as either grieving the loss of someone who died, or the loss of a close relationship. I loved that it could go either way. The song also works for me because it not only deals with feelings of grief and sadness, but also touches on acceptance—knowing someone isn’t coming back no matter how much you wish they could, and knowing life will never be the same going forward without them. The song is a raw, beautiful experience of love and grief. I’m not sure I could have written the book without it.

4.    I don’t think I need to say much more than this:

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5.    The Five Stages of Grief (Kübler-Ross model):
1.    Denial
2.    Anger
3.    Bargaining
4.    Depression
5.    Acceptance

The five stages of grief is a hypothesis about death and dying developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross at the University of Chicago. I first learned about the Five Stages in my college psychology classes and referred to them frequently while trying to understand Cam’s feelings in THROUGH TO YOU. Not every grieving person experiences every stage, and not everyone goes through the stages chronologically, but understanding the rollercoaster of emotions a person must deal with when experiencing loss is the most important tool to help them move forward.

6.    SUGAR
It’s a scientifically proven fact that eating sweets naturally releases dopamine (a feel-good chemical) in the brain. When I’m missing someone, for any reason, sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better is sitting down to indulge in a big ice cream sundae, sugary cupcake, or stack of cookies. Obviously, this isn’t the sort of thing you want to do every single day, and it won’t take the ache away forever, but it’s important to give yourself permission to let go and indulge once in awhile. Let the sugar do its work to get you through a tough moment and don’t feel bad about it tomorrow.

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7.    Movie Poster for “LIKE CRAZY”
The movie LIKE CRAZY is a romantic, but truthful story about two people in love who are forced to be apart. Unlike THROUGH TO YOU, it’s not about life and death or different dimensions, but the grief over choices and consequences still plays a very important role. In the film, Anna and Jacob are so in love, Anna overstays her visa and isn’t allowed back into the U.S. to be with Jacob. They spend the next several years trying to figure out if and how they can be together again, and everything about their relationship is put to the test. I have always loved the poster for this film because it portrays just how Anna and Jacob feel about one another while also capturing the way Cam feels about Viv. The stories are very different, but the themes of love and loss, and needing someone resonate for me.

8.    Animals
There is a golden retriever named “Lance” in THROUGH TO YOU. The dog doesn’t play a very large role in the book, but he does manage to relax Cam, allowing him to let his guard down. Research has shown that animals (particularly dogs and cats) help to lower people’s blood pressure, making them calmer and less agitated. Animals can also sense when people are upset. When I’m feeling particularly low, I like to curl up with my standard poodle Basil, or cat, Dagny. They might not understand what it is I’m sad about, but they never fail to comfort me with a steady, calm presence.

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Where do you draw your inspiration from when you’re feeling down and out?