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144 Thoughts I Had While Reading Turtles All the Way Down

My TBR is practically as tall as I am at this point, but you KNOW I had to drop everything last week to start TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN. How could I not?! It feels like it’s been forever since the last John Green book and, you know what? Why not devastate myself emotionally?? So feel free to read through, read along, gauge if you want to read it, or laugh and cry with me if you already have. I promise you will do both.

And—okay, I’ve just got to say it. PAPER TOWNS is my favorite John Green book. So that’s what we’re working with, everyone. That’s just the kind of person I am.

OKAY LET’S GO. Also, spoilers!!!!!!!!

1. Omg I’m so excited
2. Full disclosure I have not even read the synopsis of this book
3. Is it about turtles??? Who cares it’s John Green
4. Ok I can’t wait let’s go chapter one
5. …
6. This is gonna get real existential real quick isn’t it
7. Lol I didn’t even make it a paragraph without highlighting something
8. You know, I was not expecting there to be so much bacteria
9. I mean, some bacteria, just… less
10. “The thing about a spiral is, if you follow it inward, it never actually ends. It just keeps tightening, infinitely.” Ughhhh
11. I don’t know Aza but I love her
12. Ah, self-deprecating wit. My favorite kind.

13. “Anybody can look at you. It’s quite rare to find someone who sees the same world you see.” I’m going to try my best to not just make this entire post quotes from the book but they’re just… so good…

14. I would laugh that Aza’s dad’s go-to cassette is Missy Elliott but every time I drive my dad’s car after him he’s in the middle of a different Taylor Swift album
15. Oh no Aza’s dad
16. Ugh I should’ve realized
17. This is a John Green book everything that can be an emotional gut punch will be
18. If my best friend ever told me to grab a canoe and start paddling down a river of sewage I would scream
19. Actually one time we went canoeing it was awful there was a tunnel full of spiders that everyone called the Spider Tunnel ™
20. Who let us do that
21. A turtle!
22. “A distressed damsel has no companions,” I’m dying
23. Ugh of course he remembers her
24. And of COURSE he remembers the Dr. Pepper
25. Oh my god Daisy
26. We would definitely not be best friends I will tell you that
27. She’s the one that would make me anxious forget the bacteria
28. The Beatles and Billie Holiday… classic John Green character musical taste
29. Aw Davis needs a hug
30. “Whether it hurts is kind of irrelevant,” is the new “you don’t give it the power to do the killing,” sorry I don’t make the rules
31. “I have the soul of a private jet owner, and the life of a public transportation rider.” I changed my mind I love Daisy
32. I hate that even the most mundane things sound so poetic when he writes them
33. Obviously by hate I mean love I guess but also like HOW
34. Lmao yo f#&k this guy
35. This spiral is making me NAUSEOUS
36. I want these poor suffering children to be happy
37. Aza describing Applebee’s as mid-quality is relatable down to my very soul
38. I’m sorry she ships Rey and Chewbacca?
39. “PROBABLY JUST SOME KYLO STAN,” I am deceased
40. I can’t believe Davis’s dad has a Kesha tattoo, basically
41. Maybe if he listened to Rainbow he would’ve been a better person
42. All these kids need hugs!!!!
43. My highlighter’s getting a real good workout from this book I will tell you that
44. Ugh a flannel with the sleeves rolled up to expose the forearm is basically the unofficial clothing choice for “I want to look good and attractive without actually seeming like I tried,” so he is 100% trying to impress her
45. This group hangout anxiety is too real
46. I love Davis
47. “Try saying what you’re thinking,” :’)
48. Ayyy brown eye appreciation
49. I don’t know if I was expecting this book to be a legitimate mystery case but I am so here for it

50. I bet Daisy’s gonna be real annoying about this money
51. Omg no I lied she’s so happy I’m so happy for her
52. “I’m gonna go to college,” BESTILL MY UNFEELING HEART

53. I love them all
54. Simon Morris is kind of a dick, though
55. Like I get that you’re a lawyer but you don’t have to be a Lawyer ™
56. Omg oh no
57. Ohhhhh no it’s happening
58. Omg I’m going to throw up
59. Omggggg
60. I can’t believe I ever didn’t want a friend like Daisy

61. “You feeling scared?”
“Kinda.”
“Of what?”
“It’s not like that. The sentence doesn’t have, like, an object. I’m just scared.”

62. She bought a car are you kidding
63. These kids don’t need $50,000. Give me $50,000
64. Ok but real talk I have zero idea where this story is going

65. Does this book have a plot other than struggling children need hugs, get paid

66. Davis where is your father

67. “How are you, Davis?” she asked.
“Things are good. As you may have heard, I am kind of an orphan, but I am well.”
I love him

68. Omg Davis go after her!!
69. Oh he’s going with her lol that’s anticlimactic
70. I’m sure Aza’s mom has a great voice and this is very cute and sentimental but Lea Michele’s rendition of “Auld Lang Syne” in New Year’s Eve is the best version of that song in modern pop culture history
71. Aza should listen to that one
72. I can’t believe Davis is a manic pixie dream girl
73. Perpetually torn between loving and relating to the thought spirals and wanting to throw up from the actual manifestation of them
74. “You are as real as anyone, and your doubts make you more real, not less.”
75. “Speaking of which, Mr. Myers told me today that your essay on the Columbian Exchange was the best he’d seen in all his years of teaching.”
“He’s been teaching like two years.”
LMAO
76. Ugh Daisy
77. Ughhhh
78. Couples are the worst
79. John Green… how much tuatara research… did you do…
80. Damn right Jupiter Ascending is both ridiculous and kind of awesome
81. EW
82. Do NOT drink HAND SANITIZER
83. I’m CRINGING

84. I literally look like this emoji: 😱

85. Aw I love Davis and his lil blog
86. “I know she’s reading this right now. (Hi.)” Lol
87. Oh my god
88. Oh my god she’s DOING IT AGAIN

89. Ohhh my god okay I need a break

90. Okay hi I’m back
91. Idk how Aza can hang out with Daisy after reading the fic and not say something
92. Omg no she’s SAYING SOMETHING
93. You go Aza
94. I say that is if I am not the most non-confrontational person in North America
95. Honestly if you ever say the phrase “I know you have the mental health problems and whatever, but,” then you should PROBABLY know you’re in the wrong
96. What would I do if someone compared me to mustard
97. Oh my GOD
98. “You’re crying about a car?” Oh my god SHUT UP
99. Oh my god and the phone
100. I’m literally going to cry for her
101. Lmao I absolutely would’ve told the b#tch to go home
102. Ohhhh no nope not spiral time
103. NOPE
104. AZA STOP
105. NOOOOOPE
106. What is happening
107. Is this not real
108. Lol ok I know this is bad and very serious but imagine seeing a girl shoving hand sanitizer in her face and thinking “ah, an alcoholic.” ???
109. A 15k word apology is a start, I suppose

110. “… And now I’m just going to Uber everywhere for the rest of my life, because then it’s kind of like I have every car, and also as a rich person I deserve to be chauffeured.” I just… really relate to Daisy in these moments…

111. “If you can build a B-plus city with C-minus geography, that’s pretty great.”

112. How is John Green so good at putting these feelings into words wtf

113. Like honestly… thank u
114. I want to quote this entire paragraph-long explanation of how it feels for Aza to exist and live and go about her day to day lfie but I feel like that is a little much so I guess everyone just has to read it to know oh well
115. It’s TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN
116. !!!!!!!!!!!
117. I can’t believe he used that so well
118. Mychal what are you doing
119. Weren’t you kind of a dick to Aza you compared her to mustard
120. “Both of you can talk to me about each other, but you can’t talk to each other about each other.” Ha

121. One day ten years from now I will be doing the world’s most random task and for some reason come across the words C. diff and scream

122. I just want ONE of these characters to have a happy ending
123. Is that too much to ask for
124. (I realize this is a John Green book so like, yes, maybe, but still)
125. Ugh I’m so upset
126. I don’t think a character has ever given me as much whiplash as Daisy I don’t even know if I like her at this point I just know that my opinion will probably change next time she opens her mouth
127. Are they going to find Davis’s dad
128. Is Davis’s dad in the tunnel
129. I don’t actually expect that to happen but I want them to find Davis’s dad
130. THE JOGGER’S MOUTH

131. “I was still at the beginning. I could still be anybody.” :’)))

132. Oh my god no no NO I didn’t want them to find him like that

133. Ok I know I wasn’t gonna pull out big long quotes but:
“The problem with happy endings,” I said, “is that they’re either not really happy, or not really endings, you know? In real life, some things get better and some things get worse. And then eventually you die.”

134. UGH NO IT GOT BETTER:
“You pick your endings, and your beginnings. You get to pick the frame, you know? Maybe you don’t choose what’s in the picture, but you decide on the frame.”

135. Ugh no
136. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh
137. Davis please answer
138. When did I get so emotionally invested!!
139. U g h
140. “Tomorrow” ARE YOU KIDDING ME
141. Are you joking
142. Too existential
143. Not happy enough
144. I need a nap

All right, well, that was a rollercoaster. I will probably be thinking about it for the next few weeks. Maybe a month. Maybe a year. Who can tell?

UPDATE: It’s been twelve hours. I’m still feeling very confused. Kind of empty. I still need to lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling for a while? Why did you do this, John Green?

UPDATE II: Eighteen hours. Why did Davis just leave

UPDATE III: You know what really f#&ked me up? When she was like “I am getting better. I will fall in love again someday. I will have a family of my own.” And then she immediately acknowledges that she will relapse and lose it all, and she’ll have to get better again, and she sees it so positively? Like?? That’s so depressing. My soul hurts

UPDATE IV: Ugh

Have you guys read TURTLES yet? Pls talk to me about it I need to discuss these sweet small innocent children that deserve more happiness than they will ever see. And drop a comment below if you have any books that you want to see me tackle next!


I’m very emotional I’m literally going to go nap.

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