WARNING: This post may make you laugh so hard you’ll spew whatever beverage you are currently drinking.
Now that you’ve been properly warned, please continue on with this guest post from Rae Carson, author of The Girl of Fire and Thorns. Want to win a signed copy of the sequel, The Crown of Embers? Share your most awkward date story in the comments to enter!
RAE CARSON’S MOST AWKWARD DATE EVER
Once upon a time, I had a very bad crush. The object of my crush was a gorgeous guy with swarthy skin, thick black hair, dreamy brown eyes, and an amazing British accent.
We hung out a lot. Like, a LOT, which was as fabulous as it was frustrating. We always had a great time—we explored new restaurants, had long, deep talks, laughed easily together—but I worried that we would never get past the “friend barrier.” So you can imagine how ecstatic and a-fluttery I was when he finally asked me out on a real date. For two days straight, I walked around with an idiotic grin on my face, just in anticipation of the weekend.
He took me to San Francisco. We spent the whole day walking around holding hands, pretending to take in all the sights as if we were not wholly and utterly aware only of each other.
That evening, we stood on a knoll overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge and the sparkling San Francisco Bay. As the sun edged into the Pacific, he said, “Rae, there’s something I have to tell you.”
I gazed into his dreamy eyes, my heart pounding, thinking this is it. He’s going to say IT.
He regarded me longingly and whispered, “I have four nipples.”
I said, “Blug dhid ju juth thay?!” because, apparently, this is how I sound when someone is kissing me passionately after having just confessed to a cornucopia of nipplage.
I spoke to his chest for the rest of the evening, like this:
Him: Where do you want to have dinner?
Me, to his chest: Uh…somewhere in Little Italy.
Despite our inauspicious beginning, we ended up dating for several months. Turns out his extra nipples were not that interesting or remarkable—more like freckles, really. (Yes, I was disappointed.) But I’ll never forget that first, awkward date. It also explains why, when I met the guy who would eventually become my husband, I asked him outright, “How many nipples do you have? …Oh, no reason. Just checking.”
Tell me about your most awkward date in the comments for a chance to win a signed copy of The Crown of Embers!