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We’d like to make a formal apology to anyone that has ever been tricked into going into a bookstore with a known bibliophile who used the line “It’ll only take me a sec!”

It was a lie.It has never nor will it ever take us a sec to browse the aisles filled with our beloved treasures.

Below you will find a breakdown of the bookstore experience, to give you an idea of how it’s all going to go down, how long you’re going to have to wait, and what to expect.

A Timeline of Going to the Bookstore with Your Bookish BFF

0 minutes – You enter the bookstore with me because I promised it will only take 20 minutes, 30 minutes tops. And you’re all like “I CAN DO THIS.”

5 minutes – I’ve made an initial sweep of the new releases section and am casually sniffing random books as I make my way down the aisles. You are probably somewhere in the magazine section or have already made a beeline for the cafe.

Your current mood:

15 minutes – You are finished with your coffee and muffin and now you’re trying to find me. (Helpful tip: I’ll probably be in the Young Adult or Fiction section.)

20 minutes – Woo you found me! And I found the one book I actually came in for! At this point you are thinking the end of this bookstore trip is nigh, but hark! I’ve spotted a new Sarah Maas book that I didn’t know about before! Sorry, but I must read the flap copy. . .

25 minutes – . . . I am now reading the first chapter of that new Sarah Maas book. You are getting really antsy and wishing you had less well-read friends.

Your current mood:

30 minutes – I have forgotten all public manners and am now sprawled out on the floor, in the middle of the aisle, completely engrossed in the new Sarah Maas book. You approach me, gently, to remind me that we’ve been at the bookstore for half an hour. (Helpful tip: Don’t forget to apologize for interrupting.)

31 minutes – In an attempt to prove that I am good for my word, I will get off the floor and walk with you to the end of the aisle towards the register.

32 minutes – I have spotted a table full of special edition John Green paperbacks. You are trying so hard not to kill me right now.

Your current mood:

40 minutes – You give me a hard time for making you wait and threaten to leave. (Helpful tip: I will ignore you. It is better for everyone if you just accept this fact right now.)

41 minutes – Your threats are useless so in a huff, you storm off to the exit, vowing to never return.

43 minutes – You come back, shoulders slumped, because you forgot I drove and I have the keys. But now you can’t find me and you curse the day I was born.

45 minutes – You find me back in the New Releases section where it all began. You’ve had enough so most likely by force or blackmail, you successfully lead me to the checkout counter with not one, but at 5 books.

50 minutes – You are back to being incredibly annoyed at having to wait, so most likely by force or blackmail, you successfully lead me to the checkout counter with not one, but at 5 books.

51 minutes – I am chatting with the clerk about that new Sarah Maas book and we are both freaking out over it.

Your current mood:

55 minutes – You are keenly aware that I am still chatting with the clerk. Your eyes begin to twitch in rage.

60 minutes – FINALLY! Books have been purchased and you lead me towards the exit. You are ready to deliver your carefully prepared “friendship breakup speech” but then you see how cute I am in the bookstore, how happy it makes me and your faith in our friendship is restored.

Your current mood:

The next weekend – The cycle begins, again.