If tomorrow the dead began to rise, would you know how to fight?
Chopping off a zombie’s head is a no-brainer (pun intended)… except when you’re a lady. Training as an Attendant can prove to be difficult when you’re trying to disembody a shambler at a moment’s notice, while still maintaining a certain level of professionalism and… etiquette.
Now, luckily you have us to guide you through this brutal and trying time. We hope you pay attention. If you do, well, then you’re ready for DREAD NATION. We’ll have slaying in no time. Here are some rules to zombie killing, like a true madame.
The Etiquette of Shambler Killing:
1. CLEAN KILLS
As any zombie survivalist will tell you, the frontal lobe has to go if you want to ensure you’ve really killed the zombie. But brain juice can get messy, so while bludgeoning is a surefire way to make sure they won’t get up, a clean decapitation is your best bet.
After all, we wouldn’t want to make too much of a mess, would we?
2. SPEAKING OF BEING SQUEAKY CLEAN
Hygiene is often neglected, but it is an important quality of dame status! B.O. is not cute in any setting, and in fact may lure more shamblers your way. Therefore, a good scrub once every few days helps everyone.
3. DRESS FOR SUCCESS
And while we’re on hygiene, let’s talk about attire. It is highly recommended that you stick to dark colors in case you’re unable to freshen up immediately after a zombie attack. You don’t want to be caught dead with bloody clothes at a dinner party. How embarrassing.
4. PACK LIGHT
Sure, a shackle is the perfect accessory when traveling outside the home. But when attending an event, the best accessory is one that’s inconspicuous. A six-shooter might do the trick, or a small knife to store in your boot. But any weaponry that’s big and visible? Definitely out. And while we’re at it… Ladies? Stick to the modesty corsets. You’ll be no good at fighting with a corset on that’s cutting off your circulation.
All right, have you taken your notes? Paid proper attention? These tips are a surefire way to stay modest, while still a fighter. Because at the end of the day, the restless dead are unforgiving.
About Dread Nation
Jane was born two days before the dead began to walk the Gettysburg battlefields.
In this new America, safety for all depends on the work of a few, and laws like the Native and Negro Education Act require certain children attend combat schools to learn to put down the dead.
But there are also opportunities—and Jane is studying to become an Attendant, trained in both weaponry and etiquette to protect the well-to-do. It’s a chance for a better life for Negro girls like Jane. After all, not even being the daughter of a wealthy white Southern woman could save her from society’s expectations.
But that’s not a life Jane wants. Almost finished with her education at Miss Preston’s School of Combat in Baltimore, Jane is set on returning to her Kentucky home and doesn’t pay much mind to the politics of the eastern cities, with their talk of returning America to the glory of its days before the dead rose.
But when families around Baltimore County begin to go missing, Jane is caught in the middle of a conspiracy, one that finds her in a desperate fight for her life against some powerful enemies.
Do you feel adequately prepared? We hope so. Let us know any questions you still may have in the comments below!